Collaborative Divorce vs. Traditional Divorce: Which is Best for You?

When most people think about getting a divorce, they imagine tense arguments between spouses, long-fought battles in the courthouse, and possibly receiving a Judgment of Divorce that they perceive as unfair or not what they wanted. But there are alternatives in many cases. Understanding the difference between Collaborative Divorce vs traditional divorce litigation can help you decide which procedure is best for you and your family.

Collaborative Divorce as an Alternative to Traditional Divorce Litigation

Collaborative Divorce is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation which, as the name suggests, focuses on cooperation, collaboration, and dispute resolution. Couples who choose a Collaborative Divorce option work with a team of attorneys, neutral facilitators, and other professionals to create a plan for the dissolution of their marriage, division of their assets, and future interactions moving forward.

Key Differences Between Collaborative and Traditional Divorce

To understand whether Collaborative Divorce or traditional divorce litigation is best for you, you need to understand what makes the two processes different.

The Final Decision Maker

In a traditional divorce, the judge assigned to your case will have the final say on everything from property and debts to custody and support. If your case goes to trial, each side will be given time to present testimony and evidence to establish why their proposed divorce resolution is best. But at the end of the day, it is the judge who decides. In most cases, neither party gets everything they ask for. As in all types of lawsuits, the vast majority of “adversarial” divorce cases do settle before trial, but often after considerable stress and expense.

In contrast, you and your spouse control the outcome of the Collaborative Divorce process. You have the final say on each issue in the case. You can even agree to things that a judge would never order. Because both parties commit to working toward a “win-win” outcome, a Collaborative Divorce Judgment can be uniquely tailored to your specific situation.

Conflict Resolution vs Adversarial Arguments

The biggest difference between Collaborative and traditional divorce is the mindset. Unlike traditional divorce, the collaborative model is non-adversarial. It doesn’t pit husband vs wife in a fight to grab the biggest share or best parts of the marital estate. Instead, it depends on you and your spouse committing to open, honest communication, and a shared goal of reaching a resolution that works for the whole family. Traditional divorce can be backwards facing, focused on proving how the parties got to the point of divorce and who should receive what assets, support, or custodial authority. However, in Collaborative Divorce, the focus is on the future, ensuring that everyone involved has the support (financial and otherwise) to meet their needs and goals.

Collaborative Divorce vs Traditional Divorce

There are a number of differences between Collaborative Divorce vs traditional divorce, but it is not the best choice for every domestic dispute. Depending on your circumstances, the level of conflict in your marriage, and the issues you disagree on, either Collaborative Divorce or traditional divorce litigation could be the better choice.

When Collaborative Divorce Works Better

Collaborative Divorce is most effective when both you and your spouse are committed to reaching an amicable resolution to your marital problems. In other words, you and your spouse need to be able to put aside your differences and focus on creating the best future for each of you, and your children. Traditional divorce litigation has a tendency to increase conflict between the parties as the case progresses, so if your goal is to reduce conflict and maintain peace, Collaborative Divorce may be better for you.

The collaborative process is especially effective when you anticipate continued contact between spouses for years after the marriage is over, including co-parenting your children, providing ongoing spousal support payments to an older spouse unable to work, or providing assistance to a disabled spouse. Because Collaborative Divorce includes training on conflict resolution and communication, it can help spouses develop additional skills they can use when engaging with each other after the divorce judgment has been entered.

Why You May Need a Traditional Divorce

Not every relationship ends cleanly. Sometimes hard feelings, bad temperaments, or mental health issues may prevent you or your spouse from setting aside feelings of blame, anger, or even fear to focus on the outcome. This is especially true in cases involving uneven power dynamics, control, or domestic violence. If either spouse is determined to be proven right or “have their day in court,” the traditional divorce process will give them a chance to make their case to the judge and have their marriage concluded without feeling like they compromised or gave in to the other party. That said, the idea that having one’s day in court can provide emotional catharsis is largely illusory, and it is precisely the pursuit of that which leads many to greater expense and stress, with the fallout from the marriage still unresolved.

While the up-front costs of a collaborative divorce are not necessarily less expensive than traditional divorce litigation because it may mean sharing retainers for lawyers, financial planners and other professionals, the collaborative model can actually be less expensive at the end of the day.

Get Help Deciding between Collaborative and Traditional Divorce Options in Connecticut

The family law attorneys at Lawrence & Jurkiewicz can help you decide if collaborative divorce or traditional divorce litigation is better suited to your case. We represent clients in Hartford and Litchfield County, offering a variety of traditional divorce litigation, mediation, and collaborative law options. To schedule a confidential consultation to see how we can help you, please contact us today online or at 860-935-6284.