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How to Bring Up a Prenup With Your Partner
August 29th, 2024
A prenuptial agreement is a very useful tool to define a couple’s expectations during the marriage, protect premarital property, and make sure your children are cared for. But it can be difficult to bring up a prenup with your partner without setting them off, emotionally. Here are some ways to decide if a prenup is right for you, and tips for raising the issue with your spouse-to-be.
Should You Get a Prenup Before Getting Married?
In Connecticut, a prenuptial agreement (or prenup) is “an agreement between prospective spouses made in contemplation of marriage.” In other words, it is a contract that you and your soon-to-be-spouse sign which takes effect as soon as you say “I do.” Prenups can do three important things:
- Set expectations for how the family will be managed (i.e. who will care for the children, or how each spouse will contribute to the marital bills)
- Describe what will happen to the parties’ property in divorce (describing each spouse’s rights and obligations in premarital property and setting aside separate property such as inheritances)
- Provide a framework for estate planning (i.e. reserving the rights of children from prior relationships)
Not every couple needs a prenup to live together happily. Nor does signing a prenuptial agreement mean your marriage is headed for divorce. However, there are certain circumstances where you should get a prenup before getting married:
- You or your partner have interest in a small business or family business
- You owned a home prior to the marriage (separately or together)
- Either partner has children from outside the relationship
- You expect one partner to be a stay-at-home spouse
- You or your partner may inherit substantial assets from a relative
How to Bring up a Prenup with Your Partner
Bringing up a prenuptial agreement with your significant other is certainly a delicate thing, and you’ll want to be thoughtful and empathetic about when and how you broach the subject. Increasingly, though, there is more open-mindedness toward this. Marriage is, essentially, an implied contract. Making that definite sets expectations realistically and so should be seen as conducive to stability and a harmonious relationship.
Bring Up a Prenup Earlier Rather than Later
The last thing you want is for your spouse to feel pressured into saying yes to a prenup before they can say “I do” at the altar. Anticipate that it will take time to decide if you want a prenup, and to negotiate and draft its terms. Start the conversation early in your engagement and then give your partner the time and space to consider it. If they have questions, encourage them to talk to a prenuptial agreement attorney to understand their rights, along with the benefits and limitations of any agreement.
Choose a Non-Emotional Time
The process of preparing for a wedding often involves a lot of stress and demands from vendors, family, and friends. You may find you have more arguments, or experience stronger emotions during this period than earlier in your relationship. Don’t bring up a prenup in the midst of a fight – or as pillow talk, on the other hand. Instead, choose a time when they are in a good mood, and a relaxed state of mind. Anticipate that your partner may have a negative emotional reaction, and give them the space to have that emotional response before continuing the conversation.
Talk About the Benefits of Prenups for Both Parties
The common assumption is that prenuptial agreements only benefit the wealthy spouse by making sure the less-wealthy spouse gets “nothing” in the divorce. But this is a myth. In fact, an overly one-sided prenuptial agreement, or one that does not disclose the property, assets, and debts of both parties, may well be thrown out in court.
Rather than focusing on what you are taking away from your partner, discuss how the prenup can help them meet their own life goals. You can negotiate the terms of the agreement to provide both spouses peace of mind, and ensure that both spouses (and their lawyers) find it fair and reasonable. A well-drafted prenuptial agreement can clarify how you and your partner will manage your marriage, and streamline the process of preparing an estate plan or navigating a divorce. It can also give both spouses a clearer picture of one another’s financial history and assets, so neither is surprised by unpaid debt or a low credit score.
At Lawrence & Jurkiewicz, we can help decide if a prenup is right for you and guide you through negotiations with your soon-to-be spouse. We will meet with you to review your circumstances and goals, and guide you through drafting and executing the prenuptial agreement that is right for your family. Please reach out to our family law attorneys by calling (860) 264-1551 or contacting us online for a consultation.
Categories: Prenuptial Agreement